Leading with Kindness

Over the years, as a manager, I’ve learned that for a team of engineers to work well, they need to feel safe. In engineering, this can be achieved by fostering a blameless culture, establishing safety nets through robust processes, and implementing best practices that prevent catastrophic mistakes and allow easy rollbacks, like canary deployments (hello CrowdStrike). This approach enables engineers to move faster and be bolder in their ideas.

However, it’s not all about engineering. In recent years, I’ve observed some tech leaders attempting to manage their companies through fear. CEOs barking orders with authority, insisting that no one can leave the office until work is done, and companies routinely slashing 10% of their workforce based on arbitrary metrics. These leaders hope that fear and uncertainty will drive their employees to work harder to justify their positions.

I’ve always believed this approach is short-sighted. Leading an organization with kindness and vulnerability is not only the humane and sustainable thing to do but also makes good business sense.

What Does Leading with Fear Look Like?

While few organizations explicitly aim to lead through fear, it can manifest in various ways:

• High volatility from leaders, including shouting or demeaning employees.
• Dismissing suggestions without providing good explanations, a behavior sometimes seen in senior, tenured developers.
• Finger-pointing, publicly calling out mistakes made by individuals and making examples of them.
• Threatening to close departments or implement drastic strategies if objectives are not met.

What Happens When People Are Afraid at Work?

• They don’t trust the organization. Why invest themselves fully if the company views them as expendable?
• Lack of trust leads to decreased intrinsic motivation. Employees won’t feel compelled to help or believe in the company’s mission. Instead, they’ll watch out for themselves and seek external motivators or opportunities elsewhere.
• Fear stifles innovation. Employees won’t suggest ideas or volunteer if they’re afraid of getting in trouble. If their initiatives are met with blame when things go wrong, they’ll stop being daring.
• Collaboration suffers. Employees focus on self-preservation rather than helping others. In companies where lower-performing departments face cuts, this fosters direct competition rather than teamwork.
• Mistakes are hidden. Employees won’t speak up about issues, refuse to take ownership, or resort to finger-pointing.
• Professional growth stagnates. Similar to Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, if employees are struggling for job security, they won’t strive for self-actualization. They’ll aim to be just good enough to survive.

Fear breeds a vicious cycle of mistrust. Owners can’t trust their workers, who, in turn, feel disenfranchised and less transparent. This leads to lower-performing teams, making fear-based leadership a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Most people I’ve worked with, and certainly those I’ve hired, have incredible potential. They are fully-fledged human beings with aspirations, a desire to build great things, and a commitment to becoming better at their craft. With some coaching and the right challenges, these individuals can evolve into incredible leaders.

What Does Leading with Kindness Look Like?

• Build Trust: Start with vulnerability. Be open about your challenges and uncertainties, and willingly admit your mistakes.
• Adopt a Blameless Culture: When mistakes happen, focus on fixing the issue and preventing it in the future. Avoid assigning blame.
• Encourage Participation: Ask for opinions and show that you value input from those close to the problem. Keep an open mind and listen.
• Empower Others: Yield leadership to those with more expertise in certain areas. Aim to serve and remove obstacles.
• Be Open to Feedback: Understand that giving feedback can be difficult for employees. Reward feedback and address it, possibly publicly, without putting the source on the spot.
• Lead by Example: Maintain your composure, remembering that your team wants the company to succeed, even if their methods differ.
• Trust Your Team: Treat employees like adults. Trust them, focus on outcomes rather than outputs.

Vulnerability is the birthplace of innovation, creativity, and change - Brené Brown

Leading with kindness, showing vulnerability, fostering a blameless culture, and nurturing leaders makes good business sense. You’ll cultivate a group of hardworking leaders with the drive and ownership to see your company succeed.

Are you leading your team with kindness? Or are you seeing some anti-patterns of leading with fear creep their way into your company? You don’t have to be a CEO to start implementing some small changes, and leading by example.